I visited hell today

Today I sat in traffic for 165 minutes today.

Alas, my luck of swift, traveling fortune on my four rubber steeds, have not till now, failed me on the pavement.

Today I sat 165 minutes in traffic and it wasn’t great. Today I sat 165 minutes in traffic while contemplating my fate. Today I sat 165 minutes in traffic and oh boy oh boy if I only knew how to, I'd packed the skates.

In what was a brief 25 minute drive from West Los Angeles to deep up into the Pacific Palisades hills, I typed in my home address for the travel home - boy did I never expect it to be the test it was. *At the time of writing this I thought I was voice typing this into my iphone sort of sarcastically*. I've done this drive dozens of times. It's about 4.7 miles back to where I live. Even in peak traffic hours (schools getting out, early outs at offices) it's never taken more than 30 minutes to get back.

As i sit slouched in the drivers seat of my brown Volvo S80 on Sunset Boulevard, high above the adjacent Pacific Ocean, my mind wanders.

I look at the passing homes, surely multi-million dollar estates in their own right. Curious about the inhabitants. Are they home? Is the car I see in the driveway the maid? Why would someone with a $5 million home be driving a 2011 Toyota Camry? It’s probably the maid’s car. I wonder what the maid is doing inside right now? Laundry? Feeding the pet lizards? Worrying about that she may have killed the pet lizards, and is on the phone frantically searching for solace, but no velocity of spanish will gift her 24-yr old nephew the ability to revive the pet lizards. Her nephew doesn't know.

I hear horns, honking, and what makes this experience exponentially more daunting is that the cars working in the opposite direction - west on Sunset Boulevard - are flying by like white children riding bikes past (redacted). I felt trapped. But *proofing this 5 hours later I realize this is an inappropriate comparison, but truly represents my feeling at the time.

^comparison was later deleted

I begin to look at the faces of every driver that passes me on the right, further confirming my assumption that we are living in a simulation. You couldn’t select more generic faces if you uploaded Home Depot customer headshots into a computer program and made a composite.

I’m running out of attempts to be witty and patience, waiting in this traffic for the five or so minutes. This is *has* allowed me to think about how it might be worse for the maid in the house who killed the pet lizard. I must be thankful for that. Good night and good luck .